Sometimes Things Aren't Always What They Seem

Thank you for your eyeballs.

- DJ

Unnecessary Signs: Installment 4X7

Very glad the sign was there. Coulda been a real mess:





Thanks for your eyeballs.

- DJ

So...human

This is tough to read but I had to share. I've been introspect lately, and very unproductive. Forgot that life was fleeting. Time to remember that. I can do better, so why don't I?

"I got excuses
But no matter which I use if
I lose
I lose
Because I choose to lose."

http://news.yahoo.com/neighbor-took-6-young-survivors-home-205020443.html

Postings might be a bit light as I re-prioritize some projects and enjoy the holidays with both hands.

Thanks for your eyeballs.

- DJ

WTF Wednesday - The Hobbit

We are über-excited in our household for the release of the Hobbit this month. I thought I'd share this onion parody on what to expect.

http://www.theonion.com/articles/highlights-of-the-hobbit,30618/?utm_source=Twitter&utm_medium=SocialMarketing&utm_campaign=standard-post:teaser:default


I know the article is a joke, but it's not the first time I've heard it's going to be a trilogy. I hope it's not true! I have seen everything in the previews except for Smaug, which in the final third, so could it be they just haven't made that part yet?

I doubt it, but thought I'd feed into the ambiguity.


Thanks for your eyeballs.

- DJ

Evil Mr. Vaccine

Found on Twitter. Laughs ensued. Sharing followed. Please enjoy.



Thanks for your eyeballs.

- DJ

Poetry Reading Monday December 3

Hello all,
I will be doing a poetry reading this coming Monday (Dec. 3) at the Sacramento Poetry Center. It is 7 minutes of pure DJ sandwiched by some very talented writers. The event is to celebrate the work of the 2013 American River Review literary magazine, which I'm honored to be included in for the second year in a row.
Doors open at 7, words flow at 7:30.

Thanks for your eyeballs.
- DJ

WTF Wednesday - Faceball

Hello All,

I'm busy.  I'm frustrated.  I'm not getting the things I want to get done done.  I'm at my wit's end. 

I'm just about ready to run and jump off the world when a) I realize that I will always land right back on it and 2) This exists: http://faceball.org/

Faceball tourney anyone?

Now, a word about NaNoWriMo.

I was feeling failurific as the month came to an end, because I am only halfway to that golden 50K word mark. Here is why I shouldn't. NaNoWriMo is a great inspiration to just write - get any words out, hopefully some ideas that present a clear plot will surface. But for me, it doesn't allow me time to do other things like draw or write songs. These are the things I think spur me on toward inspiration when the writing dries up. During WriMo I feel guilty when I do those things, like I'm shirking a responsibility, so I stop. Then absolutely nothing comes out. I need those distractions to keep me going. I'm glad WriMo works for some, it's just not conducive to my process. Then again, I could be just making myself feel better for not having been a "winner", though I am not alone in my thoughts that NaNoWriMo just isn't for every writer.

Thanks for your eyeballs.

- DJ

A Healthy Alternative to Fried Taco Shells

Welcome to the Monday after. In the interest of getting back to healthy, I thought I'd share this lovely invention.




Thanks for your eyeballs.

- DJ

WTF Wednesday - "Literally" the Best Day Ever

Do you remember when words used to mean something?  I mean, when they literally used to mean something?

Literally has lost its meaning.  This word used to mean "in the literal sense" - in other words, these words I have said are something you can take to the bank. I'm not speaking figuratively - the reason for this term to exist is to differenciate these two concepts. 

More and more I'm hearing things like:

This is literally the last twinkie on Earth.
  - No it's not. 

I would literally kill for a twinkie right now.
 - If you would then my obligation as a citezen is to inform the police.

There is literallly nothing to do right now.
 - Then how are you talking?

I literally have nothing to wear.
 - Good, then that makes the choice easy.

I'm literally going to explode from all the Turkey I've eaten.
 - Shit kids, someone get the camera!


I think I'd be a better person of people didn't suck so much.

Thanks for your eyeballs.
 - DJ

Dennis for President

What we need is an autonomous collective. True power derives from a mandate from the people. Stop the violence inherent in the system.

Help, Dennis, we're being repressed.




Thanks for your eyeballs.

- DJ

WTF Wednesday - The Fiscal Cliff Notes

This image is from Howard Taylor the creator of Schlock Mercenary.  If you've never checked out his comic, please do - it's the best free online comic currently out there about a space mercenary made of poo.  It sounds silly, but it's actually very smartly written.

He tweeted this picture this morning, which made me laugh, then made me cry.  If this country doesn't find some real leadership, the standard family of 4 stands to loose $4000 in tax cuts.  I don't know about the rest of you, but that pretty much zaps my family's return, which we've grown to count on to fund our summer vacations and the occasional large purchase splurge.  That money, for most people, goes straight back into the economy. 

Politicians, do you F-ing jobs!

Thank you for your eyeballs.
 - DJ

Songwriting Lessons From the Avett Brothers

Happy Tuesday,

Since I've been absorbed by writing projects lately, I haven't had much time to play music, but I have been working on a few projects in the background. 

The little bit of time I have had to play has produced three new song ideas that are the best I've had in a while.  One is almost complete and is called "Saddle Up (Make or Break)" and is just waiting for 4 lines to be written in the bridge to get placed in the done column.

So, on my lunch break today I played about 5 minutes of a melody that started with me singing fun lines to the kids while they played outside this weekend.  The lines always ended, "So I left my kids at the supermarket."  You know:

     - I didn't know, they'd cost so darned much, so I left my kids at the supermarket
     - I didn't think, it would cause a big scene, so I left my kids at the supermarket
     - They started acting like kids often do, so I left my kids at the supermarket
     - I had a chance to join the circus so I left my kids at the supermarket

Anything to get a laugh from the kids.  But I loved the melody.  So I had 5 minutes at lunch today and picked up the Martin, strummed a bit.  Fresh in my mind was a line I'd jotted into Evernote a while back "Living echoes of a life I never led."  Eventually it worked itself into a full verse, though my 5 minutes were up and I had to zip back to work.  The second verse kind of wrote itself as I was trying to rush to get the first into the Evernote database.  And here's why: The Avett Brothers.

I've been studying their song structures a lot lady, and am really intrigued by the similarity between the words of different verses and how those verses can have widely different meanings - just by changing a word or two.  The cool thing about this approach is that the similarity of the wording helps to reinforce the melody so that by the end of the 4 minute song you feel like you've not only heard it before but could sing along with the whole song (you will probably get some words wrong, but you'll feel like you *know* the song). 

So with both these songs I looked at ways I could make minor changes to the words, change or deepen the meaning and reuse them as subsequent verses.  I'm very happy with this approach and it actually gives me a nice box to work inside when I am trying to add verses.  It does appear the bridge will be the difficult part of the song when using this approach, but I think the end result will be a more divergent bridge that makes the rest of the song more "homey" when you return to it.

I'd like to share "Saddle Up" once it's in a more complete state.  The words don't do it justice and I really want to complete it before I put it out there.  For the sake of demonstration, though, I will share the lyrics I have so far for the new song I just started today.  Notice how the wording of the first two stanzas are mimicked in the second two.  It will be interesting to see where it goes, but as of the song being 5 minutes old it looked something like:

I wish I could say at the end of it all
That I gave all I had to give
But I'm living echoes of a life I never
Took the time or pride to live

It's all my fault
But that don't heal bruises
It only solves
Who wins and who loses

I wish I could say after the fall
That I'm prepared for the winter cold
But as the spring closes I'm left to myself
Still drunk from the days of my summer, my gold

Find in the faults
A wealth of excuses
It doesn't change
Who wins or who loses

The first and third stanzas are definitely more different, and I think because of this the meaning of the fourth stanza has a lot more depth than the meaning of the second stanza, even though half the words are the same.  Not sure if the concept comes across without the melody, but I hope you get the gist of it.

Besides these projects, I've got a track list finalized for the album, and a title.  "Linens and Things: The Potentially Brilliant Wreckage of an Exceptionally Ordinary Gentleman."  I just have to get my iLok replaced so I can get back into ProTools and see if I can pretend to know what I'm doing on that side of things.  Hopefully recording will resume early next year.

Thank you for your eyeballs!
 - DJ
(NaNoWriMo Word Count = 11587...only about 6K off target...probably ought to quit writing songs and blogs and such). 

Kids and Their Gadgets

Seen last night waiting for dinner at Applebee's. You can't quite see it but the guy's hat said "Dysfunctional Veteran".





Thanks for your eyeballs.

- DJ

Dropping the FB-Bomb

Hello and happy Friday,

I won't be putting up a Faceballs or a Spatchcock cartoon this week.  I'm just too far behind on my book (almost 8K words, should be almost double that).  But, since it is Faceballs Friday, I have a FB related question.

Is it polite to speak up in a Facebook post when it's a person you have recently met and they are having an ongoing discussion about a political matter you disagree with - when all the people responding are just finding different ways to agree?  I understand (now) that it's probably not a great idea if you want to remain friends, but is it socially rude to speak one’s mind in the face of inflammatory political commentary, when everybody else seems to agree with the commentary?  It feels a little like laughing at a racist joke rather than pointing out its ignorance.

And why do people post their opinions if they don't want to actually discuss them?  It's like farting in the supermarket and walking to the end of the isle to watch the reactions of your fellow shoppers.

And you think I didn’t know you did that.   Tsk tsk.

Thank you for your eyeballs.

-          DJ

Red, we gotta talk

Dear Wendy's,

I'm just going to go ahead and say it Red. Having chili oil in the bag should be the default option when the customer has ordered chili. I shouldn't have to ask every time. You can make up for the cost by keeping the second spoon you always give me.



Thanks for your eyeballs.

- DJ

Political Discourse and the Interknot

Politics and the Internet are funny, and Facebook and other forms of social media kind of allow an interesting bird's eye view of things.

From what I can see, conservatives tend to surround themselves with other conservatives.  When a non-conservative wanders into their conversation and dares to interject logic, the group attacks - the mood is, let's kill this dog before it gets loose and hurts someone.  They also appear to think if they just believe hard enough the dog will change into something other than a dog.

Liberals don't seem to vet who they surround themselves with but assume that, having the intelligence to be included amongst their friends, you are obviously of a like mind.  As such, when the dog of logic appears to conflict with them, the group does their best to embarrass it into leaving by showing it how stupid and dog-like it is.  They appear to think if they just believe hard enough, the dog will never have been there in the first place.

There's an old saying that is not PC at all, but I think I may be able to redeem it.  Arguing on the Internet is like competing in the Special Olympics.  Even if you win you're still retarded.  A long time ago I had the privaledge to work for the Special Olympics and I say, at least with the Special Olympics there is a sense of teamwork, mutual respect and and overall humanity.

It's a pooptacular predicament we've bought for ourselves, and I want my 6 Billion Dollars back. 

Where my dogs at? 


Thank you for your eyeballs.
 - DJ

The Great 6 Billion Dollar Polarization

I read today that there has been over 6 billion dollars spent on the presidential race.  With the amount of polarization it's caused, I'd say that's a pretty good return on investment. 

I'm growing more and more certain that the only way to make any kind of an impact is by working at a local level with non-politically affiliated organizations.

Thanks for your eyeballs.

- DJ

Like If You Don't Think The World Should End, Share if You Do (Faceballs 2)

Friday=Faceballs.  Enjoy Episode 2!


Faceballs Episode 2:
"Like if You Don't Think the World Should End, Share if you Do"

The creation of the universe and everything

Good evening,

As the first 24 hours of NaNoWriMo come to a close, I'm glad to say I'm a bit ahead of the goal at 2442. It took me that long to go from the singularity (the actual one, before the big bang) through the creation of the universe and humanity, etc. (it was the "etc" that was the hard part).

Glad to get off to a pretty good start, and looking forward to writing some good scenes over the next several days.


Thank you for your eyeballs.

- DJ

God's Muse (NaNoWriMo)

God's Muse is the current code name for my NaNoWriMo project (Thursday is the 1st already!). 

For those who don't know, NaNoWriMo is "National Novel Writing Month" and it's sort of an online support group of writers and wannabes with the common goal of reaching a 50,000 word goal in the month of November.  I think my sister introduced me to it several years ago, but it was a bit overwhelming.  Now I'm ready to take it on.  I've got a good idea what I'm going to write.  It's far from a complete outline, though I do know how it will end and h several scenes mapped out. 

A race of beings who worship creativity as a god have come to Earth and started a record label with a plan to harvest creativity (a force no longer present in their race) - from human blood.  It's up to Jazz Lee to figure out why the members of his band have started to disappear and how to stop the extinction of his race as the rest of these beings are just days away from Earth.

If it sounds familiar, I was working on it for Camp NaNoWriMo in August.  A tragedy involving a violent death hit my wife's family at this time, and the scene I was working on at the time involved a scene dealing with a similar incident.  I just couldn't pretend about it when the real thing was there staring me in the face.  Actually, it was kind of a driving force behind my creating this blog for reasons I won't go into here.  At any rate, I didn't want to trash the idea, but I really didn't like that scene - and not just because of the subject, it just didn't work, the characters weren't real and it seemed forced.  So I scratched it, started over with a fresh brainstorm and while a few characters have survied it's a whole new idea, with a new plot and approach.

Thank you for your eyeballs!
DJ

A Gloating Panda

Good morning,

Due to a convergence of many projects over this week, Spatchcock will be postponed at least one week.  This next episode is important - it's episode VI, which is of course the first REAL episode.  I want to make sure to take time for new artwork - and I'd rather put out quality than quantity.  As such, I put together a single frame cartoon for today.  I am not a Giants fan, but tend to drift over toward their dugout once the A's wrap up their season the past few years.  So this one is for them, but even more so for my brother-in-law, mother, friends and many others who are very happy today.

P.S.  I am very happy with the success of the first episode of Faceballs.  The traffic helped push Stipewriter over 1100 page views since I started a little less than two months ago.  Granting that at least a couple hundred of those are myself checking formatting and such, I'm pleasantly surprised.  Thank you for your support.

Faceballs - Episode 1

It was suggested I do a comic about Facebook, and where else to start but with Takei?  Without further ado, here are Trent (Trenton) and O (Omous), also known as Faceballs:

Thank you for your eyeballs.

- DJ

A Social Semicolon

I am a social semicolon
I stand between
Two ideas

Stand; sit
Speak; quiet
Listen; hear
Stay; run
Laugh; scream

I am a social semicolon.

Period.


Thanks for your eyeballs.

- DJ

Pop Goes the Excitement of it All

The other day there was a show called Hey Kids, Let's Cook! on PBS.  A cute little cooking show for kids.  My own kids and I had just cooked Mom a Red Velvet cake and pot of coffee for Mother's day and were in the cooking mood.  We decided to watch and see if we could learn any tips.

They were making peanut butter apple puffs using canned biscuit dough.  When the little girl on the show opened the biscuit dough, the "Mom" on the show had her whack it on the counter to force it open.  My kids of course saw nothing wrong with that, but I couldn't help but grieve out loud for them and the experiences they might never get.

It was a tragic moment, as I was thinking about Moms and canned biscuit dough.  I was stricken with grief at the loss of proper biscuit packaging.  For children now, there is no jack-in-the-box moment in this.  As I recall, the dough would decide to spring forth with life about 3/4 of the way pulling the little wrapper around the outside.  We knew it was coming, we were just a little bit scared of it, but we had to find out when it would happen!  Now we are left to fumble clumsily with poorly constructed packaging - just separating the end of the little wrapper piece from the can is an exercise in patience - only to get thing unwrapped to receive further instructions that you might need to wedge a butter knife into the seam to open.

Some people are okay with this, but on this day - so connected to my kids and so nostalgic, I could only see the tragedy.

It's a wedge-a-butter-knife-into-the-seem kind of life now, and I can accept it.  But I sure don't have to like it.

Thank you for your eyeballs!

- DJ

Request For Beta Readers

Hello there, Last night I completed work on the first draft of a story I'm working on for publication. It's in rough draft, and I plan to complete revision on it by tomorrow night. Since I'm working on a tight deadline, I was wondering if anybody would have time later this week to read and respond to some specific questions in regard to the story structure. My hope is to deliver to Beta readers no later than Thursday morning and try to get it back by no later than the end of the weekend, so if this won't work for your schedule, no worries.

The story is 6500 words which will work out to 10 or 11 pages single spaced, 20 or so in manuscript form. It's a chore I'm asking for, so for at least the first 3 people to offer I will provide a final copy of the publication, which is an anthology so will include several stories and other works.

There is definitely a content warning, mostly sexual in nature but some language. It's there for a reason, the story is about sex and marketing, but there is a scene that is fairly graphic, so use your own judgment whether you want to be involved. I would appreciate the help but certainly don't want to accidentally offend anyone (I prefer to know when I'm doing that). You can respond here or email me at djstipe@comcast.net with the words "Beta Reader" somewhere in the subject line.

Thank you for your eyeballs!
DJ

P.S. Lots of activity here with some projects ending this month and NANOWRIMO coming up next month - I only have 8 days to write my outline! The result may be some process related commentary in the middle of the week, but I will try to bookend it with some good stuff. Monday's are already committed to Spatchcock, well Friday's are soon to be for something else, tentatively called Faceballs. Stay tuned!

Spatchcock Episode 3 - "Oh, the Sanctity!"

Good morning,

For scheduling reasons, Spatchcock is moving to Monday mornings at 11.  This gives me through Sunday night to complete it and get it scheduled for delivery Monday morning. 

Thank you,
DJ

Spatchcock Episode 3 - "Oh, the Sanctity!"

Down the Spatula Hole

So, not much down the Spatula hole, I think the comic kind of speaks for itself.  The absurdity of the idea of the "sanctity" of an institution that's culturally adolescent comes through when you remove the word "marriage".  I'm sure it's not a popular view to have, but I personally think the state of the family began to erode when women stopped being the primary home-makers.  I don't think we should or could go back there, but I think that two income families are a much bigger threat to the sanctity of the family than the idea of same sex couples.  Social change comes at a cost, and it's not always immediately notable.  On a plus note, it's now okay for Father's to have emotions, which is something sons have been blind to for generations.  These kinds of changes are why we have to adapt our social institutions to the world we actually live in, not toward a past we wish we could hold on to.

On another note, I'm trying to find the best time to post based on reading patterns,  This is the reason for my move to Monday before lunch, we'll see how that works out.  Also, trying to figure out how not to be one of the annoying ones, though I do have to admit to one or two of these myself.

PeeChee - Do You Remember?

Thank you for your eyeballs.
- DJ

Remembering Mad Libs

So many miles were shrunk by the missing words in the pages of Mad Libs.  Lots of summers with my family spent driving across this wonderful country, sharing the craziest, nonsensical tales.  The co-creator passed this week, and it made me remember some pretty good times, so here's for Larry Sloan:

Thank you for your eyeballs.

- DJ

All Our Binders Are Belong to Us

It is a truly sad state of affairs when the national discourse is dominated by the comedic echoes of an errant trapper keeper.

Besides, my women come in Pee Chee Folders.

Thank you for your eyeballs.
 - DJ



Confused?  Try this.  Still confused, try this.  Still confused, take two looks in this and call me in the morning. 

Actually, don't call.  Text.

"Practiced" Pixilated

Always trying to find new ways to combine artistic interests, the following image juxtaposes a poem already published here with a graphic I created of my Ovation some years back. Given the subject matter, I think it's a neat intersection of three of my favorite disciplines.

Thank you for your eyeballs.
- DJ

I'm Considering Revising my Stance on Hot Beverages

After years of being firmly against the sale and use of hot beverages for any purpose other than to thaw frozen bones on winter mornings, I believe my stance is beginning to soften (thaw?). Monday morning coffee, while not necessarily condoned or appreciated myself, may no longer fall in my "against" column. This is still under consideration, though it seemed important to be up front about this. My stance on broths and soups, however, is unchanged. That is all.


Thank you for your eyeballs.
- DJ

Spatchcock Episode 2 - "Ye Are the Salt of the Earth"

The weekend is here, so it must be time for another episode of Spatchcock, the hottest new comic strip on this blog.  Live and in a brand new format today.  Well, not live...live comic strips haven't been invented yet.  Feel free to take the idea and run with it if you want.  Otherwise, here's...

Spatchcock
By DJ Stipe

Down the Spatula Hole

Salt has been around as a seasoning since long before biblical times. Have you wondered why we season our food?

Speaking of spices, one spice that kind of freaks me out is allspice.  Its name is misleading of course, because it's really one spice that comes from a dried berry.  That's not what I always thought.  When asked to hand my Mom the allspice, I can remember envisioning a factory in some hot place where children worked to empty tiny spice containers labeled with "cinnamon", "nutmeg" and the names of other spices into large vats they then mixed with giant wooden spoons so that other children - the ones with extra long arms - could scoop the mixture back into containers labeled "allspice".  Maybe it's this image or just the fact that it's trying to be too much, but I find it to be one of the more nefarious spices.  As such, I find it implorable that the Chinese restaurant up the street uses it in their egg rolls...and to excess.  I've thought about mentioning it to them, but I don't know - if that's their thing, who am I to intrude?  Just don't eat their egg rolls.  Or anything fried, because the flavor is intrusive beyond comprehension.  No, maybe one day I'll have a T-Shirt made with one of those crossed out circles encompassing the word "allspice", then go to the restaurant and hope they pick up on the hint.  That's more my style.

Until next week....thank you for your eyeballs.

- DJ

Tiny Hero (For Joseph)

In honor of my son Joseph I'm posting lyrics to the song I wrote for him when he was just learning to walk.


Something he picked up much easier than walking? Reading.


He's in 5th grade and reading at a late 9th grade level and blowing away all his school's goals. His principal called yesterday to tell us personally. Yep, he's my hero more and more each day.


Joseph deserves a much better recording that the one linked here (it's pretty bad), and since it's a lot of people's favorite I'll get a better version out there some day, but for now...


Tiny Hero
By DJ Stipe
I lay you down to sleep
Let me take your cape, your hat
Before you start counting sheep
I know your mother's smile
Looks right at home there on your face
But now it's time for dreams of Dora
Spiderman and Thomas the Train


(Chorus)
You look up to me
Like nobody ever has
And of me it seems
You think the world
But it's my life that's blessed
By watching you live yours
You're my tiny hero


Look, up in your room
It's a bird
No, it's a plane
No, that's my son
Faster than a speeding bullet
He learned to walk
Then took off at a run
Able to leap off tall curbs
Now all by yourself
You used to hold my hand
It's bitter sweet kryptonite
Watching time grow you up, my little man


(Chorus)
You look up to me
Like nobody ever has
And of me it seems
You think the world
But it's my life that's blessed
By watching you live yours
You're my tiny hero




Thanks for your eyeballs.
- DJ

I Want a T-Shirt That Says "Awkward Conversationalist"

I want a hat that just says "Hi"


Thanks for your eyeballs.

- DJ

Happy to Oblige?




Thanks for your eyeballs.
- DJ

Power to the Peaceful

This poem was written after attending a Power to the Peaceful festival that was anything but peaceful a couple of years back.  Enjoy!

http://www.evernote.com/shard/s3/sh/ee4eb27d-5023-492c-9424-5db33ba6fd3d/e548977d9e32efee69cf42b8c0d47869

Thanks for your eyeballs!
- DJ

Magnum Afloat

Do you remember the episode of Magnum PI where Magnum is deserted in the middle of the Pacific Ocean and the whole episode is him treading water and staying afloat with nothing but some sharks, his memories and that sweet, glorious moustache?

I do.

Thanks for your eyeballs.

- DJ

Spatchcock - Episode 1 - "Waterfront"

I'm excited to introduce the innaugural episode of "Spatchcock", written and illustrated by DJ Stipe. I'm still working out the best method for publishing, but for now it will be a weekly published Saturday or Sunday mornings. This is my first attempt at such a venture, so your support is appreciated. Feel free to stick around after the comic and chase me down the Spatula Hole.

Down The Spatula Hole

The internet can be like a giant rabit hole - chasing the answer for one question can lead to a cavernous lair filled with previously unknown (and often times unwanted) gems.  Start looking for the population of fruit flies in Peru and you end up finding a must-have recipe for octopus bacon.  It's the magic of the internet (and the danger for anyone with a deadline).  Here on DJ Stipewriter, I want to save you time.  I've already been distracted enough for the both of us (or all three if someone besides my Sister is reading this).  So chase me down the Spatula Hole and see where it leads.

The lines in "On the Waterfront" that inspired this comic are so ingrained in our culture that I knew them long before I'd seen the movie.  Having seen Raging Bull first, I didn't get the full impact of that line until seeing Brando's performance much later.  Isn't it amazing how the exact same words can have such a different meaning given the delivery of the actor and the context of the screenplay?

"Spatchcock" Profile - Drab Olive Stove

 Drab Olive Stove - If you live in the Greenbloom's kitchen, this is the hottest place to be.  Centrally located between food (refrigerator) and lodging (spice rack), it really heats up around dinner time.  WARNING: Both the right rear and front left burners have been red-tagged out of commission, though due to the lack of tag stock, this is not posted.  DO NOT TURN THESE BURNERS ON.  At first they will appear to be working just fine, then they will start to crack and pop and will explode within 20 seconds to 10 minutes if left on.
Welcome to Drab Olive Stove where Spatch, Nugget, Noodle and the others hang out.

"Spatchcock" Character Profile: Noodle

Noodle - Nugget and Noodle came to Palookaville as a pair, and so far Noodle has been able to keep it that way (there was a close call back in '09 when Nugget went through what Noodle thought was an online porn addiction, but what turned out to be a fascination with random how-to videos). They became life partners after several months living together in a moving box at a storage facility near Kenosha, WI. Noodle claims to be taller than Nugget, who insists this is just because of Noodle's shoes. Noodle doesn't have the heart to tell him they don't wear shoes, and since neither can see their feet, the argument is a stalemate.

Thanks for your eyeballs.
- DJ

"Spatchcock" Character Profile: Nugget

Nugget is first and foremost not now - nor has he ever been nor does he intend to be - a chicken. He landed in Palookaville as a Christmas gift from Mr. Greenbloom's first Mother-in-law (Mrs. Greenbloom number 3 is so far in the dark about this). He is Spatch's newest and eternalest bestest friend and is almost exclusively found hanging out at Drab Olive Stove, though making occasional forays into the spice rack (much to the chagrin of his beloved but very hot-headed life partner Noodle). He's often disheartened to have friends he's known for years notice for the first time he has legs but no arms.




Thank you for your eyeballs.
- DJ

"Spatchcock" Character Profile: Spatch

Spatch - Born in Asia and coming to the states by way of Spatula City ("Where folks go for all their spatula needs"), he is property of the Greenblooms of Palookaville, IL. Having come into the newly wedded couple's home as previously owned property of Mrs. Greenbloom (maiden name: Rodriguez, previous married name: Smith, previous stripper name: Chalupa), the rest of the kitchen utensils see him as worldly and sophisticated. Constructed of a single piece of molded extra durable phenolic plastic with a smile that could charm the knobs off the stove, he is...the most interesting spatula in the world.




Thank you for your eyeballs.
- DJ

The Big News

Beginning this weekend, I will be publishing a serial comic strip right here under the title, "Spatchcock". It will be set in the kitchen of the unseen Greenblooms and follow the life of some extraordinary kitchen utensils as they offer commentary on the human condition as only kitchen utensils can.

My goal to start is at least one 4-6 frame strip per weekend, though I may supplement with smaller issues during the week if time permits. I will be participating in NANOWRIMO (NAtional NOvel WRIting MOnth) in November, so the weekly goal might even get hairy, but I wanted to give myself a reasonable commitment.

Wish me luck! Oh, and stay tuned for some character introductions over the coming week.

Thank you for your eyeballs.
- DJ

Big Freakin' News Tomorrow

There will be big news in Stipewriter land tomorrow. In the meantime here is a not completely unrelated video.

Thanks for your eyeballs.

- DJ

Unwittingly Frosted

I found frosting on my stomache today, between my naval and the hairy patch just below what my wife unlovingly refers to as my bro-boobs.

This unnerved me because I haven't eaten anything frosted in quite some time.

I should say that I'm not a big man. Well, not gigantic. But I do have folds and lumps in places where, not all that long ago, I used to have smaller folds and lumps.

To clarify, the frosting was not in one of the folds, but near the crest of one of the lumps.

How do I know it was frosting? Well, if it looks like a duck, and smells like a duck, I'm going to taste it to see if it's frosting.

It was. Thank god.

Thanks for your eyeballs.
- DJ

The False Dilemma

Sort of an apolitical cartoon this weekend. Thinking or sending money to one of the two evils? Consider donating to a local charity instead. You might actually make a difference!

Thank you for your eyeballs.
- DJ

Guess what day it is...

Thank you for your eyeballs.
- DJ
I

Yes Siri, I would.

Thanks for your eyeballs.

- DJ

Video for "Vision"

Here is the video for the song "Vision", which was written for my daughter Ashlynn when my Wife was 9 months pregnant.


Thanks for your eyeballs.
- DJ

Video Game People

They're video game people. I can tell, not by the resolution - their details are quite lifelike - but by the way their movements don't seem to quite match up to the rate at which the background scrolls by. That's always a dead give away.

They have the luxury of knowing nothing beyond the execution of now. They sneer as if reading my mind. Who did they think they are? Oh yeah, that's right - they don't think. Though manifestations of creative thought themselves they can't actually produce thought or feign sentience. They exist only to funnel the thought and emotion of their Creator.

If this is the case, why does judgment occupy their lifeless eyes? More important, who IS judging me - who wrote the code that feeds their obvious disdain?

Damn, those are some good graphics.

Evolution

Another weekend comic by DJS:



- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Soundbites (For Grammy)

Soundbites
By DJ Stipe

My conscience is not my own.
It’s a switchboard of soundbites,
collected throughout the years
for better or…. worse.


It serves up the crooked cowboy hat,
straw chewing, intelligent
generosity of my wife’s Uncle.
This almost always happens
when I’m up to no good.


The condescending inflection
of my step-father
points out the single blade of grass
that escapes the lawn mower
while I daydream of life without perfection.


When I watch baseball,
it’s Grammy’s voice that cheers.
She tries to make me keep score.
I was never a Braves fan
until I heard the rattle of death
in the bottom of the 9th.


I’m trying to train my conscience to be my own.
I’ve heard it can be done
with years of patience
and a little trickery.

I make myself repeat (in my own voice)
the soundbites of the Great Cowboy.
There’s nothing he’s ever said
that would leave me worse
for having repeated.


I make sure to skip a patch of lawn,
precisely six inches by six inches,
to remind myself
I am NOT my step-dad.


I still cheer for baseball
even though, for me, it’s magic is lost without…
chalk on my hands;
knees stained by perfectly cut grass;
Big League Chew spit
dripping down my chin;
Or the scorecards of excited Grandmothers.


Here batter, batter.

Expecto Patronum

Was your big sister or brother your patronus? Mine was.




Thanks for your eyeballs.

- DJ

The Last Squeegy

There's a lot of bug shit and water stains distracting me on this journey
Dammit
I'm almost halfway there
Something's got to give
Keep a lookout for a vista
Or even one of those dirty rest stops
Dirty birds around the back
With dirty peckers
Because I'm not ready
I'm not quite ready to get there
let me know if you see a car wash
but not one of those roto jobbers with the red and blue wheels
Those scratch-imparting demons of childhood amusement
It's got to be touchless or do-it-yourself
then again
I could just wash the windshield when I get gas
but half the time they don't fill the buckets anymore, don't bother to add soap
or replace the squeegies when they get stolen.
Who steals those things anyway?
It's a symptom.
All of this is symptomatic -
a complete disregard for one's right to live life
without looking at the world
through the lens of a bug's asshole.

This is where western civilization ends:
The dissappearance of
the last
courtesy squeegy.



Thanks for your eyeballs.

- DJ

Laundry

Death is just what happens when the laundry's finally done.
Thanks for your eyeballs.
- DJ

Grace is Gone

A weekend comic for you. Share if you've ever been behind "that guy/gal" in the check-out line.





Thanks for your eyeballs.

- DJ

Unearthing Bone

Trying an evernote link today to keep the formatting:


Unearthing Bone

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

A Memory of Light

For Joseph Allen Long:

A Truth about our Oceans

I took this picture near Bodega Bay, and it just made me think...

Hormones

Hormones
By DJ Stipe

Breasts today are not the
breasts of my teenage years.
Legs and thighs now, too, are
fuller – more plump and tender;
More physically fulfilling,
but packaged just the same.

Estradiol, Progesterone, Testosterone
redirected by
the needle point of
suspect motivation.

Zeranol, Trenbolone, Melengestrol
invented by
the sledgehammer of
aggie industrialization.

The flaws have been removed,
along with all signs of animality.
They boast uniformity of flavor
from the first taste to the last.
Still, I prefer my breasts
lopsided, skin-on bone-in.

Home Sweet Home

Home Sweet Home
By DJ Stipe

Here On My Entry…

So Warm, Each Entity.  This:

Heaven On My Earth.          

Practiced

Practiced
By DJ Stipe

Among fields of 4/4 time
a breeze of perfect pitch blows
   across reeds
   through valves
   along strings
in praise of times
they fell half a beat short
on sharp notes
   instead of naturals.

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

Welcome to DJ Stipewriter

A first post of little note
No big flash and no big hope
just a place to stash my goat
so nobody out there can get it

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]